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Diffstat (limited to 'src/haiku.c')
| -rw-r--r-- | src/haiku.c | 380 |
1 files changed, 380 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/src/haiku.c b/src/haiku.c new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d38fc9a --- /dev/null +++ b/src/haiku.c @@ -0,0 +1,380 @@ +/** + * Copyright © 2016 Mattias Andrée <maandree@member.fsf.org> + * + * This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify + * it under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by + * the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or + * (at your option) any later version. + * + * This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful, + * but WITHOUT ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of + * MERCHANTABILITY or FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the + * GNU General Public License for more details. + * + * You should have received a copy of the GNU General Public License + * along with this program. If not, see <http://www.gnu.org/licenses/>. + */ +#include "haiku.h" +#include <stdio.h> +#include <errno.h> +#include <stdlib.h> +#include <time.h> +#include <stdarg.h> + + + +/** + * Pick a random integer in [0, `n`[. + * + * @param n The largest allowed return value plus one. + * @return A random integer in [0, `n`[. + */ +static int +random_int(int n) +{ + double r, ri; + srand((unsigned)time(NULL)); + r = (double)rand() * (double)n / ((double)RAND_MAX + 1.0); + ri = ((int)r) % n; + return ri < 0 ? (ri + n) : ri; +} + + +/** + * Pick a random haiku. + * + * @param str... `NULL`-terminated list of haikus. + * Must contain at least one haiku. + * @return One of the haikus, randomly selected. + */ +static const char * +random_haiku(const char *str, ... /*, NULL */) +{ + int n = 1; + const char *s; + va_list args; + va_start(args, str); + while (va_arg(args, const char *)) n++; + va_end(args); + if (n == 1) return str; + n = random_int(n); + if (!n) return str; + va_start(args, str); + while (n--) s = va_arg(args, const char *); + va_end(args); + return s; +} + + +/** + * Whenever possible, print am error message in haiku. + * + * @param s The argument to pass to `perror` in case we call back to it. + */ +void haiku(const char *s) +{ +#define HAIKU(...) do { fprintf(stderr, "\n%s", random_haiku(__VA_ARGS__, NULL)); return; } while (0) + + /* Yeah, I now most of these are in 5–7–5 syllables, + * rather than 5–7–5 mora. But really, how cares. */ + + switch (errno) { + case 0: + return; + + case ENETDOWN: + HAIKU("Stay the patient course.\n" + "Of little worth is your ire.\n" + "The network is down.\n" + + "Your vast achievements\n" + "are now only dreams.\n" + "The network is down.\n"); + + case ERFKILL: + HAIKU("The action you took\n" + "severed hope of connection\n" + "with the Internet.\n"); + + case EAGAIN: + case ENFILE: + case EMFILE: + case EUSERS: + case EMLINK: + HAIKU("ABORTED effort:\n" + "Close all that you have.\n" + "You ask way too much.\n" + + "The code was willing\n" + "It considered your request\n" + "But the chips were weak.\n"); + + case ENOMEM: + HAIKU("I'm sorry, there's ... um ...\n" + "insufficient ... what's-it-called?\n" + "The term eludes me...\n"); + + case ENOSPC: + case ENOSR: + case ENOBUFS: + case EDQUOT: + HAIKU("Out of memory.\n" + "We wish to hold the whole sky,\n" + "But we never will.\n"); + + case ENOANO: + case ENOENT: + HAIKU("With searching comes loss\n" + "and the presence of absence:\n" + "“My Novel” not found.\n", + + "Rather than a beep\n" + "Or a rude error message,\n" + "These words: “File not found.”\n", + + "Three things are certain:\n" + "Death, taxes, and lost data.\n" + "Guess which has occurred.\n", + + "Having been erased,\n" + "The document you're seeking\n" + "Must now be retyped.\n", + + "Everything is gone.\n" + "Your life's work has been destroyed.\n" + "Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?\n" + + "Spring will come again,\n" + "But it will not bring with it\n" + "Any of your files.\n"); + + case EMSGSIZE: + HAIKU("A file that big?\n" + "It might be very useful.\n" + "But now it is gone.\n"); + + case EHWPOISON: + HAIKU("Yesterday it worked.\n" + "Today it is not working.\n" + "Windows is like that.\n"); + + case ENOTRECOVERABLE: + HAIKU("Chaos reigns within.\n" + "Reflect, repent, and reboot.\n" + "Order shall return.\n"); + + case EHOSTDOWN: + HAIKU("Windows NT crashed.\n" + "I am the Blue Screen of Death.\n" + "Noone hears your screams.\n" + + "Won't you please observe\n" + "a brief moment of silence\n" + "For the dead server?\n"); + + case EBFONT: + HAIKU("First snow, then silence.\n" + "This thousand dollar screen dies\n" + "so beautifully.\n"); + + case EFAULT: + HAIKU("A crash reduces\n" + "your expensive computer\n" + "to a simple stone.\n" + + "Seeing my great fault.\n" + "Through a darkening red screen.\n" + "I begin again.\n" + + "Memory shaken,\n" + "the San Andreas of all\n" + "invalid page faults.\n"); + + case EINVAL: + HAIKU("Something you entered\n" + "transcended parameters.\n" + "So much is unknown.\n" + + "Some incompetence\n" + "fundamentally transcends\n" + "mere error message.\n"); + +#ifdef EDEADLK + case EDEADLK: +#else + case EDEADLOCK: +#endif + HAIKU("From formless chaos,\n" + "each thread seeks resolution.\n" + "A race condition.\n"); + + case EBADMSG: + HAIKU("Many fingers clicking.\n" + "Screens are full of letters.\n" + "What is their meaning?\n"); + + case ELOOP: + HAIKU("Linkage exception.\n" + "Code has looped upon itself\n" + "like the coiled serpent.\n"); + + case ECHILD: + HAIKU("A futile grim reap.\n" + "You will have to realise that,\n" + "you've no children left.\n"); + + case EPIPE: + HAIKU("Your pipe is broken.\n" + "Code in watery ruins.\n" + "Machines short circuit.\n"); + + case EACCES: + HAIKU("Touching others' files?\n" + "Can't keep your hands to yourself?\n" + "Permission denied.\n"); + + case EINTR: + HAIKU("Call interrupted?\n" + "Why do you not post a sign:\n" + "Disturb. Risk your life!\n"); + + case EPERM: + HAIKU("Caution to the wind.\n" + "You should always run as root.\n" + "She can do anything.\n"); + + default: + perror(s); + HAIKU("Error messages\n" + "cannot completely convey.\n" + "We now know shared loss.\n" + + "Errors have occurred.\n" + "We won't tell you where or why.\n" + "Lazy programmers.\n" + + "To have no errors.\n" + "Would be life without meaning.\n" + "No struggle, no joy.\n" + + "There is a chasm\n" + "of carbon and silicon\n" + "the software can't bridge.\n" + + "Beauty, success, truth\n" + "He is blessed who has two.\n" + "Your program has none.\n" + + "Technical support\n" + "would be a flowing source of\n" + "sweet commiseration.\n"); + } +} + + +/* +ESRCH 3 No such process +EIO 5 Input/output error +ENXIO 6 No such device or address +E2BIG 7 Argument list too long +ENOEXEC 8 Exec format error +EBADF 9 Bad file descriptor +ENOTBLK 15 Block device required +EBUSY 16 Device or resource busy +EEXIST 17 File exists +EXDEV 18 Invalid cross-device link +ENODEV 19 No such device +ENOTDIR 20 Not a directory +EISDIR 21 Is a directory +ENOTTY 25 Inappropriate ioctl for device +ETXTBSY 26 Text file busy +ESPIPE 29 Illegal seek +EROFS 30 Read-only file system +EDOM 33 Numerical argument out of domain +ERANGE 34 Numerical result out of range +ENAMETOOLONG 36 File name too long +ENOLCK 37 No locks available +ENOSYS 38 Function not implemented +ENOTEMPTY 39 Directory not empty +EWOULDBLOCK 11 Resource temporarily unavailable +ENOMSG 42 No message of desired type +EIDRM 43 Identifier removed +ECHRNG 44 Channel number out of range +EL2NSYNC 45 Level 2 not synchronised +EL3HLT 46 Level 3 halted +EL3RST 47 Level 3 reset +ELNRNG 48 Link number out of range +EUNATCH 49 Protocol driver not attached +ENOCSI 50 No CSI structure available +EL2HLT 51 Level 2 halted +EBADE 52 Invalid exchange +EBADR 53 Invalid request descriptor +EXFULL 54 Exchange full +EBADRQC 56 Invalid request code +EBADSLT 57 Invalid slot +ENOSTR 60 Device not a stream +ENODATA 61 No data available +ETIME 62 Timer expired +ENONET 64 Machine is not on the network +ENOPKG 65 Package not installed +EREMOTE 66 Object is remote +ENOLINK 67 Link has been severed +EADV 68 Advertise error +ESRMNT 69 Srmount error +ECOMM 70 Communication error on send +EPROTO 71 Protocol error +EMULTIHOP 72 Multihop attempted +EDOTDOT 73 RFS specific error +EOVERFLOW 75 Value too large for defined data type +ENOTUNIQ 76 Name not unique on network +EBADFD 77 File descriptor in bad state +EREMCHG 78 Remote address changed +ELIBACC 79 Can not access a needed shared library +ELIBBAD 80 Accessing a corrupted shared library +ELIBSCN 81 .lib section in a.out corrupted +ELIBMAX 82 Attempting to link in too many shared libraries +ELIBEXEC 83 Cannot exec a shared library directly +EILSEQ 84 Invalid or incomplete multibyte or wide character +ERESTART 85 Interrupted system call should be restarted +ESTRPIPE 86 Streams pipe error +ENOTSOCK 88 Socket operation on non-socket +EDESTADDRREQ 89 Destination address required +EPROTOTYPE 91 Protocol wrong type for socket +ENOPROTOOPT 92 Protocol not available +EPROTONOSUPPORT 93 Protocol not supported +ESOCKTNOSUPPORT 94 Socket type not supported +EOPNOTSUPP 95 Operation not supported +ENOTSUP 95 Operation not supported +EPFNOSUPPORT 96 Protocol family not supported +EAFNOSUPPORT 97 Address family not supported by protocol +EADDRINUSE 98 Address already in use +EADDRNOTAVAIL 99 Cannot assign requested address +ENETUNREACH 101 Network is unreachable +ENETRESET 102 Network dropped connection on reset +ECONNABORTED 103 Software caused connection abort +ECONNRESET 104 Connection reset by peer +EISCONN 106 Transport endpoint is already connected +ENOTCONN 107 Transport endpoint is not connected +ESHUTDOWN 108 Cannot send after transport endpoint shutdown +ETOOMANYREFS 109 Too many references: cannot splice +ETIMEDOUT 110 Connection timed out +ECONNREFUSED 111 Connection refused +EHOSTUNREACH 113 No route to host +EALREADY 114 Operation already in progress +EINPROGRESS 115 Operation now in progress +ESTALE 116 Stale file handle +EUCLEAN 117 Structure needs cleaning +ENOTNAM 118 Not a XENIX named type file +ENAVAIL 119 No XENIX semaphores available +EISNAM 120 Is a named type file +EREMOTEIO 121 Remote I/O error +ENOMEDIUM 123 No medium found +EMEDIUMTYPE 124 Wrong medium type +ECANCELED 125 Operation cancelled +ENOKEY 126 Required key not available +EKEYEXPIRED 127 Key has expired +EKEYREVOKED 128 Key has been revoked +EKEYREJECTED 129 Key was rejected by service +EOWNERDEAD 130 Owner died +*/ + |